Cacao,  Inspiration,  Spirituality

A Note on Love

I have read the words of the mystics, sages, poets, playwrights and beat writers. I have heard the words sing their melodies in my ears, resonating deep in my soul. I have consumed the letters, the sounds, the sensations. I have felt them touch my heart.

The yearnings for love, for connection, for the person who will make you whole.

The deep-seated longing for that which is just out of reach.

The profound expansion in the heart when love comes into their lives.

I have devoured every word, syllable, note and sonnet.

I felt that love penetrate me, into the very fabric of my soul, at different times in my life. And I have felt the loss.

But it wasn’t until I truly understood what unconditional love for self felt like, that I actually knew the true meaning of all of those words, all of those songs, all of those moments in time.

Love. What does it actually mean? Can love truly be unconditional?

My connection to love has been different at different times in my life. I have felt love for family and friends, for lovers and in loss. Each love, a different vibration in my souls energetic field.

But love never felt complete. I never felt complete. Love was never enough. And it’s because I had never experienced the connection to myself from a place of love.

There is a saying, you can only ever love another to the capacity that you can love yourself. Some people would disagree with that statement, but I have found it to be true. Before I truly loved myself, my love was given with condition. This was not something I even realised, until I met myself with love.

Once I had discovered what the true connection to love meant, what it felt like, I understood what unconditional love could mean.

To me, love no longer became an emotion. Emotions are fleeting. Love became the state I lived my life by. Something I say a lot in ceremonies, is that you can only ever exist in a state of love or fear at one time.

From the state fear, the emotions can range from resentment, anger, judgement, hatred, frustration, sadness and so on.

From the state of love, the emotions can be those of joy, peace, contentment, happiness, exuberance, elation and so on.

As I began to drop into the state of love, I discovered the lost parts of myself, buried in the shadows. And I began to see them through the eyes of love and compassion. I began to hold myself with more kindness and live with less fear.

Love became the vibrational tapestry that connects us all. Not something that should be given or taken away. It just is. Love is the unconditional energy of compassion and forgiveness.

Is it a perfect system? No. We are human, and our humanness has flaws. But we can always reset and come back to our state of love. It is a daily process of connecting back to our true essence.

I was rereading one of my favourite poetry books the other day, and I had tears burning my eyes, as they streamed silently down my cheeks. Touched to my very core, by the words written on love. For the first time, I had read them through the state of unconditional love for self. Never had they felt more alive to me. I felt them pulsating through my veins, bringing me to life in unremembered places. Connecting me back, even more, to my true essence of love.

One of my greatest missions is to help guide people ‘home to their soul’, home to a state of unconditional love. This is true self-love.

Here are just a few of the things that helped me remember love:

  • Cacao. Yes I know. How much do I talk about Cacao! But honestly, it is one of the things that opened my heart, allowed me to feel the depths of my emotions, connect me back to my truth and expand my heart into a state of love.
  • Meditation. Meditation looks different for everyone, but when I was starting this journey I focused on heart healing meditations. These allowed me to access and process past stuck emotions so they could clear out.
  • Dancing. Dancing reawakened the parts of me that I had buried many years ago. The truest parts of me. I had let fear stop me. So I allowed love to free me again, as I danced back home to myself.
  • Forgiveness. Forgiveness work is so profound. Most people focus on forgiveness work for others, those who have ‘hurt you’. But the fatal flaw in forgiveness work, is not turning that loving forgiveness towards ourselves. Forgiveness meditations can be really powerful for this.
  • Compassion. Compassion for our humanness. Compassion for the times we make a mistake. Compassion for the times we allow fear to take over. Compassion is a muscle of the heart, that continuously pumps love through our veins, if we allow it to.
  • Mirror Work. Mirror Work can be hard, it can be mucky, it can bring you to your knees. But committing to the practice will help bring you home to love. Start of small, by focusing on one thing you CAN love, look in the mirror and repeat, I love you, I see you, I honour you. How would you talk to a dear friend? Talk to yourself with that much love.

These words may not ring true for you. Maybe they make you recoil. Maybe they spark a little fire in your heart. Everybody can feel how they want to feel, believe what they want to believe, and share what they want to share. These notes, are simply notes from my soul. They are unedited musings I am inspired to write. And if one person is moved to experience more love in their life by reading these words, then this little note has done its job.

From my heart to yours,

Courtney x

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